Regulation or suppression?
Whether it's the news, or the menstrual cycle, or the war on drugs, differentiating between regulation and suppression helps us live in that just-right window to optimize experience
It can seem as if there is this constant need to be on one side of a duality these days: either delivering the essential — if harrowing — news, or offering some respite from it. That’s true for us writers who use our words in the hope of making an impact, but it’s also true for most people I know, flip-flopping from engaged to disengaged amid mounting distress. How do we live like this?
A consistent theme across all approaches to trauma work is that stabilization needs to take place in order process and work though trauma. As I went for a run this week, my feet no longer injured by a series of sprained ankles, I meditated on deepening my stability: “This is how you build the future, one steady step at a time.” And yet, how the fury grows, knowing that stability is intercepted at every possible turn for those living amid the cultural traumas of genocide, gun violence, assaults on women’s bodily autonomy, and the list goes on. The paradox is that those who most need to find stability to process their own traumas are the most likely to bear witness to the instability of others. It’s far too easy for all of us to loose balance.
Joy is an act of resistance, and pleasure our means to it.
But how do we live pleasurably so as to not be overcome by distress and yet not turn a blind eye toward it? If I can take you on a journey through regulation and suppression, I will show you.
A little while ago, I read the following, which I found to be a brilliant synopsis: “You can’t regulate the menstrual cycle through hormonal birth control because it literally suppresses menstruation.” And that’s true. Hormonal birth control is billed as regulating mood, heavy blood flow, ovulation and pregnancy. In reality, the prime mechanism of action in hormonal birth control is stopping ovaries from releasing eggs.
In the English language, not specific to psychology, to regulate means to control, order, and “govern or direct according to rule.” It is no wonder then that “emotional regulation” is often misunderstood as “how to control your emotions,” pressing down on them so that they don’t come out. But there is a more accurate word for this approach: suppression. Here is the definition: “to put down by authority or force, to keep secret, or to inhibit.”
However, psychologically when we’re talking about emotional regulation — or affect regulation, or arousal regulation, these terms are somewhat interchangeable — the point is not to have your emotions sit in the corner while your rational mind calls the shots. Rather, the point is how to be emotionally alive, keeping yourself in the window of tolerance so you can be present for whatever is happening here and now. Not too upset, but not too indifferent either.
Emotions, after all, are intrinsic to memory, discernment, and an engaged life.
It seems that our everyday language has wrongly taken regulation to be synonymous with suppression. We can see this across a whole host of examples. No wonder then that we are confused about how to face our neighbor’s distress and still deepen into our own pleasure that is essential for survival.
Those who have experienced a lot of painful things tend to react with hyperarousal (too much vigilance, excitement, etc.) or hypo-arousal (emotional numbness and shutting down) or an imbalanced fluctuation between the two. Often, we don’t like to feel what is happening in our own bodies if getting in touch with the body feels like opening the cavernous maw of pain. In a way, it’s a clever response to avoid pain, the body, the news, altogether.
I’m reminded of another example as I study MDMA treatment for PTSD, which the FDA has designated as a “breakthrough treatment” with a positive and lasting impact far exceeding that of any other available treatment. However, in August of this year the FDA also declined to approve MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for the treatment of PTSD. MDMA is itself a strikingly safe drug relative to other risks. Hospital admissions and fatalities due to MDMA are significantly lower than those due to marijuana, alcohol, or tobacco, for example. When this data is combined with the history of MKUltra, a CIA project that used psychoactive substances on human subjects for psychological torture, there is a lot to wonder about the distinction between regulation and suppression.
Before you think I’ve wandered too far off into potentially unrelated territories of psychoactive substances, pain, embodiment, birth control, and our physiological capacity for attention to the distress of others, let us remember that these are, indeed, all linked. Our bodies need regulated, and the means used to do so also need regulation. But that is quite a different thing than control, suppression, or reckless abandon to whatever may come.
From infancy, all humans demonstrate a need to self-regulate their interactions with others, which is directly tied to their physiological arousal. The infant researcher Beatrice Beebe is well known for her acute observations of babies in relation to their mothers. To my mind, one of the most profound findings from Beebe’s research is that there will invariably be times when babies look away from their mothers, even when they are engaged and excited. This is because even good feelings, continued boundlessly, result in over-stimulation. The heart rate goes up, but it can’t go up forever! Babies inherently know to self-regulate by looking away when they are too stimulated, and re-engaging when arousal goes down. Healthy interactions foster this kind of regulation which we also call staying in the window of tolerance.
Given the many unhealthy social norms that surround us — whether that’s on the side of hyperarousal with a bombardment of distressing news, or on the side of hypo-arousal with the suppression of psychoactive drugs — it’s understandable that we are often out of balance and confuse regulation with control.
Finding ways to stay within your own window of tolerance is important now as ever, both to abide the real and sometimes distressing circumstances of your own life, and also to witness and support the needs of others, that we may hold open the door of awareness.
Happenings:
This month I published an article in The American Psychoanalyst about recovered memory in the era of trauma. Since that’s one of the key things that this Substack is about, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I had the wonderful privilege of guest editing an entire journal issue of Psychoanalytic Perspectives on the theme of Maternal Subjectivity over the last year. The issue is out online now, including my introduction article bridging early family dynamics and social issues through understanding the subject of the mother; as well as an interview I did with the one and only Jessica Benjamin. It’s chock full of original articles from a diverse range of insightful authors. We’ll also have a virtual panel discussion between the authors on Saturday, November 16 with continuing education credits. Next month I’ll share info for how to register and attend.
Everyone who participated in the first Writing the Maternal Body Weekend Retreat had such a wonderful time, I’ll be hosting another one in the Fall, focused especially on the crossroads of maternal identity between being a daughter and being a mother — save the date for December 6-8 and send me an email if you’re interested in participating!
Until next time, XX Tracy